PCH!

I have a guilty pleasure. It’s the Publisher’s Clearing House. I like getting their thick envelopes in the mail. It’s like a puzzle where you not only have to find the right spots for the pieces to go to, but you also have to search through cheesy advertisements to FIND the pieces. Of course the ads for unnecessary, ridiculous, over-priced items make the searching even more fun. Who wouldn’t want an American Flag Wind Chime for only four payments of $3.99? It’s “A lovely way to show your patriotic spirit!” and you can get a second one for only anther $4.00! (This makes me think that if they’re making money off of just $4, the 2^nd, 3^rd, and 4^th payments for the first set of chimes are adding $11.97 towards MY next big win!)

After laughing at the terrible ads for “Orange and Cherry Slices,” “Mississippi Harmonica Co. & Harmonica Playing Made Easy Books,” and “Battery-operated toilet cleaning brushes,” I turn to my personalized notices from several people. Each person seems genuinely interested in what is best for me, and strongly encourages me to complete the entry forms and buy three items to get seven more items (I don’t want) for free! And of course I must do it all NOW. Not a second to lose. After all, I wouldn’t want my number to be called but not receive my $1,000,000 because I merely missed the deadline.

Like I said I enjoy PCH. They give me a reason to smile at least once a week, and it’s worth the 40-something cent stamp (is it 44 cents? I can’t remember right now) because I’ll be guaranteed to have more entertainment soon. Please don’t think that I EXPECT to win. And even though they have printed off directions from the flower shop to my house (with the wrong directions) I have no intention of actually being presented with a whole bunch of flowers, balloons, and a giant check. But if that even does happen, please pray that I will be wearing pants when they surprise me.

My favorite prize was the $1,000,000 a day, everyday, for the rest of my life. Sometimes I discuss my options with my sister. Of course I can think of many churches, shelters, and non-profit organizations to receive my $100,000 a day donation. Maybe I’ll create a rotating list. Then I’ll be paying off all of my debts. Good-bye student loans and car payments! By the end of the week I’d be $7,000,000 richer, and I’d even pay my full taxes on it – you’re welcome United States Treasury. I’d pay for my friend’s wedding, my sister’s daycare, a couple of cars for the other two sisters, completely re-do my parent’s house, and have the absolute BEST classroom parties EVER! But don’t expect to be a “long-lost” relative coming to bug me for my newly acquired money. I’ll be generous, but not a push over, and if you’re not on my Christmas Card list now, you probably won’t be on my give-away list then.

This was a long sarcastic blog that I hope made you laugh a bit. Now have a great day, and enjoy life!